Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 10-02-2017 Comments: 0
Dating as an introvert can feel overwhelming – the small talk, the crowded bars, the amount of time you have to put yourself out there to be noticed. When you’re an introvert, you tend to shy away from social situations. But we all know with dating, you have to take action. Your future partner isn’t going to just show up at your door (unless you’re lucky and fall in love with the PostMates delivery guy!).
Introverts tend to be very thoughtful, introspective people, which is why it’s only natural to turn that same analytical focus on your love life. Unfortunately, this can become an obsessive and counterproductive habit. If you’re an analytical thinker, maybe you spend a lot of time examining your dates, looking for red flags and what could go wrong. You might also turn the microscope on yourself – wondering if you said or did something wrong, or how you could possibly screw things up.
You might be sabotaging a potential relationship without realizing it.
Instead of analyzing everything, it’s time to take a step back and regroup. There is a better way to handle dating while embracing your thoughtful and analytical qualities. It’s important to find a sense of balance when it comes to questioning a relationship and looking for red flags – because people make mistakes! As introverts, we place a lot of expectations on others, and it’s often too much for anybody to handle. In fact, dating should be a lot more fun.
Following are 5 dating tips for introverts and analytical thinkers:
Say yes to small talk.
There’s no need to solve the world’s problems on a date. And no need to be entertaining and intriguing every second. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to avoid small talk because we don’t want to seem boring – but actually, it’s a good gateway to strike up a conversation, especially for introverts and analytical thinkers. Small talk is a way to have fun and learn to flirt by keeping the conversation light. Play with some different ice breakers. Instead of the usual “what do you do?” try “what was your proudest moment this year?” Or instead of “where are you from?” try “what was your funniest childhood memory?” A little small talk can go a long way.
Keep rejection in perspective.
Rejection can derail us more than anything else. I know many daters who allow rejection to highlight their insecurities, to the point where they question if they are worthy of finding love. They believe they can’t have a lasting relationship because they don’t measure up to some impossible standard. The truth is, most of dating is rejection!! Everyone has faults and weaknesses, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy of love. We all deserve love, and dating involves a lot of rejection – these two truths can co-exist. Embrace the process, which includes rejection, but also falling in love!
Look for ways to have fun with your date (without the pressure of conversation).
Keeping conversation flowing can be a real source of anxiety for the introverted dater. Instead of adding to the pressure of meeting someone new by scheduling a drinks date (where all you are doing is talking!), try something more active. Play miniature golf, or take your dogs for a walk together, or try wandering a farmer’s market. The point is, look for activities to do together and you might have more fun on dates.
Look for the positive in everyone.
I talk about this in my book Date Expectations – on a date, we are constantly judging. Why didn’t he let me walk through the door first? Why did she order that drink? Why did he wear shorts? She keeps talking about her co-worker. He keeps wiping his nose on the back of his hand. On and on – our judgmental thoughts are on overdrive, especially for analytical thinkers.
Instead of allowing this constant stream of judgment take over while you’re on a date, try stepping back and making a point to notice the positive. Think of at least three things you like about the person you’re meeting. When you change the constant chatter in your mind, you leave some breathing space for relationships to grow. People are surprising – so let them surprise you!
This can be a challenge for analytical thinkers and introverts. We are often in our heads, which means we are anticipating the future or recounting the past. Instead, try being more “present” on your next date. Put your phone away or turn it off to avoid distraction. Leave work at work. Focus on your senses – smells, touch, taste. When you actively bring yourself back to the present, you feel more relaxed and you’re better able to enjoy meeting someone new.