Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 03-24-2016 Comments: 0
It’s incredibly refreshing to have someone walk you through the dating process. Someone who understands your needs, knows your concerns, and sees your point of view. Someone who really “gets” you, quirks and all.
Having a third-party perspective when you want to recap a date, or figure out why you’re not getting your desired results, can be extremely helpful when it comes to finding “The One” for you. This is why matchmakers can be such a valuable resource to help you find love.
That said, it’s important to get the most out of your matchmaking experience by understanding a few things about how the process works and knowing what kind of relationship you should have with your matchmaker.
You didn’t hire a personal matchmaker to agree with everything you say. You hired your matchmaker because you want an honest opinion and you want to do things differently. You want to find the right relationship for you, right?
5 tips for working with a personal matchmaker
The relationship you have with your matchmaker makes a huge difference in the success you have with matchmaking. Your personal matchmaker is there to provide much-needed insight along your dating journey based on his or her experience matching others as well as from the process of getting to know you. Here are five important factors to consider if you want to make the most of the relationship you have with your selected matchmaker:
Let your matchmaker take the lead.
Instead of trying to steer the ship yourself, let your matchmaker take the wheel. After all, that is why you hired her in the first place. Keep an open mind when she suggests a potential date because there is a reason she thinks you two would connect. I know it’s tempting to share your list of “must-haves” and assume your matchmaker will present you with your ideal mate, but this is not how matchmaking works.
Matchmaking is a process – one where your matchmaker might see potential love where you don’t just yet. Some pairings will meet most of your criteria and others won’t, but your matchmaker can better identify who might be a good fit for you. Often times, the best fit for you may not be the one who meets all the items on your checklist. It’s important to give her suggestions a real chance before dismissing anyone.
Listen with mindful intention.
Listening and trusting your matchmaker is critical for a productive relationship. Pay attention if she offers advice about how to approach your dates in a different way or how to keep the conversation going. Listen with the purpose of identifying what went right or wrong on your most recent date, and learning what you could do differently next time to get closer to the relationship you want. This will ultimately help you identify misunderstandings so that you won’t make similar mistakes going forward and can have better success at dating.
Provide your matchmaker with honest feedback.
Your relationship with your personal matchmaker is a two-way street. She can’t do her job effectively if she doesn’t have information from you about what you are looking for in a relationship or – more to the point – feedback about her pairings for you. She will want to know how you got along with your date, where you connected, or where the date fell flat. The more information you can provide about what worked for you and what didn’t, the better job your matchmaker can do. I’m not advocating you tell your matchmaker what to do, but sharing pertinent information is critical so she can do her job effectively.
Ask your matchmaker for feedback, too.
The same goes for your matchmaker – it’s important for her to share feedback she gathered from your date so that you can know what happened if you two didn’t connect, if your date wasn’t interested, or what should change in the future if the date didn’t go so well. Feedback is a valuable and essential part of the matchmaking process, not something you can get if you’re meeting people through dating apps or other anonymous sources.
Focus on the most important things.
It’s important when you begin the matchmaking process that you know what you want. Think of the relationship you desire in terms of how you want to feel when you’re in it rather than all the boxes your partner should check on your list. Your matchmaker will help you identify and focus on your long-term love goals, like values, lifestyle, or attitude towards marriage. She will be able to screen your potential dates more effectively with this information so that everyone is on the same page, creating little room for misunderstandings down the line.
Hiring a matchmaker can dramatically improve your dating experience, but you must also be an active participant in the process for it to be successful. Remember these five tips for working with a personal matchmaker, and you’ll have even greater success in finding the right relationship for you.