How to Climb Your Way Out of a Dating Rut

How to Climb Your Way Out of a Dating Rut

Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 10-13-2018 Comments: 0

The whole dating process can be brutal at times.  There’s some bad behavior out there, not to mention some less-than-exciting dates. Online dating is a numbers game to an extent, so messaging and meeting people who don’t work out is all part of the process. However, that doesn’t mean we can easily avoid falling into a dating slump every now and then. We’re human, after all, and sometimes we feel love escapes us.

But what exactly is a dating slump? If you’re tired of swiping, of messaging new people, of trying (maybe not so successfully) to set up dates that go nowhere, and you’ve gotten discouraged about dating in general, you’ve likely hit a dating slump.

Don’t feel jaded just yet. Yes, it can be hard to motivate yourself to continue when it seems like more of the same in front of you. Rest assured knowing you can pull yourself out of it. It just means gathering the courage to take some chances, and even a small shift in perspective. Here are some effective ways you can use to climb out of that dating slump and be more open to love again…

Try something new.

Nothing gets you out of your slump better than shaking up your usual routine. Why not pick up a new hobby, or explore something you’ve always wanted to try? This doesn’t have to be a big endeavor, like learning to surf or play tennis – unless that’s what you want, of course. It can be as simple as taking that Zumba class, buying some watercolors to play around with, or joining a Meetup group for a weekend wine tasting event.

Get outside your social comfort zone.

Many of us rely on our phones to meet people and flirt, but what about striking up conversations IRL? Yes, it might be daunting to think about approaching a complete stranger on the subway or at your local coffee shop, but what’s the harm in saying hello? If this feels too awkward, then join a class so you can meet others – you’ll have something to talk about. The point is to talk to people face-to-face and build up your inner confidence. It helps get you out of your head and focus on connecting with others.

Date outside of your “type.”

So many of us fall into this trap – we have a specific type of person we’re attracted to, and we aren’t really willing to engage outside of it. If we go on dates with people who don’t meet our checklists, our hearts are often not in it, and we end up gravitating back to our old choices and patterns that just don’t work. If you like ambitious overachievers but get frustrated when they are flaky and non-committal, check your expectations. If you prefer a certain physical type (tall, dark hair, curvy, etc.), why not date someone outside of that preference? Often, the people we connect with to form long-term relationships are the people we least expect. Be open to new experiences.

Stay out of the negative cycle trap.

Have you noticed how easy it is to complain about bad dates? Do you find yourself lamenting about your romantic life a lot with your friends? This could be perpetuating your slump. When you date, it’s important to stay positive and give each new date a clean slate despite previous bad or lackluster experiences. Your thoughts drive your perception and energy on the date. If you approach it with excitement or curiosity instead of boredom or even dread, you’ll likely have a better date. With a positive outlook, your dates will be more responsive, more willing to open up and see you clearly. It’s worth being in a more positive frame of mind before you get back into dating.

Hire a matchmaker or dating coach.

We all need coaching from time to time! Who better than a matchmaker, not only to present you with a new group of great candidates, but to help you see yourself and your dating habits more clearly? With a matchmaker, you can get valuable feedback from your dates – and some of it might surprise you. A dating coach likewise will give you great advice on how to do things a bit differently, or where your blind spots might be. Approach the process with an open mind and heart, and you won’t regret it – especially if it leads you to the right person.

Bottom line: dating slumps are real, but with a little effort and willingness to change, you can get over your slump and move on to a better relationship in the future.