Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 01-12-2017 Comments: 0
We can’t always choose the timing of a break-up, which is why it can be so painful when it happens during a supposedly joyful occasion, like the holidays. While you might have spent Christmas or New Year’s Eve in tears as the people around you celebrated, the start of the year gives you an opportunity to dust yourself off, wipe the tears away, and get your dating mojo back.
Getting past a breakup is possible, so don’t feel overwhelmed or defeated. Give yourself a break, because it takes time to move on. If you want to feel sexy and confident again, then the best place to start is with self-healing before you start putting yourself out there and dating someone new. You can’t just slap a bandage over your heart, as much as we’d all like to! But you can take steps to get through your pain and into a space of excitement, curiosity and feeling attractive once more.
Write a letter to your ex, but don’t send it.
Sometimes, we need to clear the air and get a few things off our chests. It helps to write down everything you’re feeling – even the emotions that scare you – because it helps you release them.
When you have a fear that seems insurmountable, it loses some of its power the moment your write it down in acknowledgement. Writing your emotions down is a similar healing practice.
Here’s your homework: write a letter to your ex and let him know how you feel, how you are hurting. But here’s the key: DON’T SEND IT. This letter is an exercise for you, not a rant to your ex. This isn’t about your ex; It’s about you—how you’re feeling and letting go of those feelings.
So write it down, then tear it up, light it on fire or put it away. This is a powerful exercise that can help you process your emotions so you can move on.
Move your body.
It’s difficult to control thoughts, especially after a breakup when your brain is working overtime to point out your flaws or weaknesses. Instead of wallowing in self-pity on the couch or analyzing your last conversation with your ex over and over again, it’s time for a break.
Join a dance class, a running group, or hire a personal trainer if that’s your thing. The point is to focus your attention on your physical body because it takes you out of your head. It also helps release endorphins, which are the body’s natural anti-depressants.
Movement can be very healing because it demands you be fully present so your mind won’t wander to your breakup.
Make a list of everything you like about yourself.
This might feel uncomfortable at first, but I’m serious. After a breakup, it’s good to remind ourselves not only who we are, but what we bring to the table, especially if your last relationship made you feel insecure.
Write down all of the things you like about yourself – and I mean everything. Are you a good listener? Do you love your sense of style? Can you make others laugh? Are you the first person to volunteer your time for a good cause?
Write down anything that comes to mind, so you can remind yourself of all your positive attributes. Keep this list and read it to yourself everyday as a reminder of how awesome you are with everything you have to offer. We all need positive reminders.
There’s nothing that lifts your mood after a break-up than getting a little pampering or changing up your look. Why not try a new hairstyle or color? Or get your friend to style you with a new look. Spend a day at the spa if you find that gives you a sense of peace and calm. Take yourself to dinner and a movie. The point is, indulge yourself a little—you’re worth it!
Gather your friends for positive support.
When you’re getting over a breakup, your friends can be an excellent source of support. But here’s the catch: try to go out with your friends who are in a positive place. You don’t want to end up complaining about men and dating and feel hopeless by the end of the night. Instead, talk about things that inspire you—books, art, sports, or creative projects you’re working on. Focus on what’s good in your life, or what you want to pursue, instead of dwelling on what’s missing.
Start a new routine.
There’s nothing like a new routine to get your mojo back. Instead of falling back into old habits like visiting the café you always frequented with your ex, replace it with something new.
Start running in the morning instead of going for coffee. On the weekend, join a new class or volunteer at your local food bank.
Fill your free time with new activities that also allow you to meet new people. When you have a new routine that’s all your own, it’s easier to move on.
Give yourself time to heal.
It takes time to heal from a breakup, so don’t feel you need to date right away or jump into a new relationship as soon as possible. In fact, it’s better if you wait.
Take the time to pursue your own interests, to get to know yourself better. Enjoy working on a new project, spending time with friends, or learning a new skill.
When you’re more fully engaged with your own life, and in a more adventurous place, you’ll feel your dating mojo come back—and then you’ll see all the men you can attract!