Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 06-02-2018 Comments: 0
The long, hot days are upon us, and that means it’s time for summer romance! Who doesn’t want to fantasize about days and nights with your future love, riding bikes along the coast or flirting with each other over glasses of wine at a romantic dinner spot?
So what does it mean when you meet someone you’re really attracted to this time of year? Is it expected that summer will always be about flings, or is your date willing to embark on a new relationship together, seeing where things could go? Sometimes it’s hard to tell.
When you’re in that sweet spot in between, and you don’t know what your date is thinking, you might drive yourself crazy with guessing. Don’t worry, that happens to all of us at some time or another. Sometimes because we feel passion, we mistake certain moves for commitment, and other times we create distance to avoid getting hurt. Dating is tricky; when you don’t know each other, there’s a lot of room for misunderstanding.
So how can you tell if your summer romance has long-term potential, and not just a fling? Here are some clues to watch for:
He makes concrete plans.
You can tell if he’s interested in continuing the relationship if he’s all about checking the calendar together and making plans. Is he inviting you to events like concerts where you buy tickets ahead of time? Is he rearranging his schedule to make time for you? Is he checking in regularly, seeing if you’re free? When your date takes the initiative and makes a real effort to free up his schedule to see you, he’s interested, and is likely thinking beyond a fling to a real relationship.
She introduces you to her friends.
Friends are important to us, and when we introduce someone new to our circle, it’s a bold and intentional move. If your date takes this step, it’s a great indication of long-term potential. Who wants to introduce a date to close friends unless you expect to see more of each other? If she only makes plans to see her friends alone and keeps your time together separate, chances are she’s keeping you in the fling zone. But you do have some choices: you can introduce her to your friends and see if she returns the favor.
There’s an emotional connection as well as physical.
It’s easy to get carried away with physical attraction – when the sex is great, romantic thoughts often follow. In order to get clear about what you both want, it’s good to strike up deeper conversation beyond just flirting. Then pay attention. Is she a good listener, is she asking questions? Is he interested in what you have to say, or is he trying to change the subject? Are you engaging and paying attention to each other’s thoughts and opinions? These are all indications of a long-term focus: your mental and emotional connection last far longer than your sexual attraction, so be sure it’s there.
He is willing to discuss your relationship status.
Are you afraid to have “the conversation” about what exactly your relationship is, even after several weeks? If he’s avoiding the subject or any conversation about your status and whether or not you want to move forward, then he’s not relationship material and doesn’t want to be. However, if he’s willing to talk about where you are in your relationship, and is willing to define it as such, then he’s definitely boyfriend material, and it’s worth it to continue and see where things go. The point is, if you’re interested in him, don’t be afraid to share your feelings.
You discuss your futures and goals (not past relationships).
Does she spend a lot of time talking about her past, or bashing an ex? Does she call you when she needs you, but is unavailable when you call? Chances are, she’s still hung up on her ex and not emotionally available for you. This is not to say she doesn’t want to hook up or have fun, but she wants to keep things in neutral territory because she’s not ready to invest in someone new. However, if she’s interested in talking about your future goals, career or otherwise, then she’s feeling you out to see if there is potential. Let her know if you’re interested in moving forward in the relationship – chances are she’s open to that, too.
Bottom line: if you feel yourself getting emotionally invested in a summer romance, it’s worth it to have a conversation and share your feelings. If she’s not ready, you’ve saved yourself some time, and if she is, you can explore the relationship together and see where it takes you!