Can Duty Dating Really Help You Find A Relationship?

Can Duty Dating Really Help You Find A Relationship?

Posted By: Jennifer Foster Date: 09-26-2016 Comments: 0

The concept of Duty Dating is nothing new. Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to “I Do,” coined the term to describe the practice of dating to nurture and develop your dating skills as opposed to dating based strictly on chemistry. If you think about, we all duty date in one way or another under this notion that dating is a numbers game; the more people we meet, the more likely we are to meet a compatible partner for a long-term relationship.

Duty Dating is all about getting out of your comfort zone, meeting new people and opening yourself up to new possibilities. Although I’ve never truly liked the term “Duty Dating,” it’s really not as bad as the term implies. On the surface, duty sounds like such a negative approach to dating, but the real duty lies in the art of making dating a fun, exciting and even exhilarating process. Meeting new people, whether you are attracted to them or not, should always be a positive experience. If dating sounds like a miserable or even daunting task, then you should absolutely give Duty Dating a try!

The idea is to meet as many people as possible, date people you normally wouldn’t date—all while getting out of your comfort zone, testing your dating theories in real life and learning about yourself and what you truly want. This is not the “Tinder” experience where you hook up with random people. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. You have to be YOU and learn about the other person. I know, scary, right?

Ideally, you go on a few dates without sex. Yes, I said it! And actually get to know how you interact with someone on a real “I get you” level. This is how we find who we truly are as an individual and how we innately interact with a potential partner. Chemistry and physical attraction isn’t everything, so why not look for substance before following chemistry down the rabbit hole, yet again?  

Meeting new people gives you the upper hand in life and love.

Let’s be honest, most of us get a little nervous about meeting someone new, but the more we do it, the easier it seems to get. This gives us the chance to polish our listening skills and fine tune the “me pitch” we give to the world. Not only does this come in handy socially and romantically, but it helps in the workplace as well. Being comfortable around new people is a win-win!

Most people who perfect this skill are amazed at how much it positively affects their lives. They learn about careers they never considered, new travel destinations, cultures, local hangouts, books, movies and the list goes on and on. Meeting someone new can be inspiring, and it provides us with a plethora of new topics to share, which is very attractive in a relationship. The even crazier concept behind meeting new people is that you might just meet “The One” while doing nothing more than experiencing life and dating.

The real magic happens outside your comfort zone.

We all have our zones of comfort. We have people and places we feel comfortable with, and we end up hanging out at the same spots, with the same friends, expecting the same day-to-day experiences, yet somehow we act amazed when we haven’t met anyone new. Well, guess what? Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. You need to break out of your comfort zones! Expecting someone else to fit into your well-crafted, 20-page checklist is also insane! It’s not that a checklist or having preferences for a potential new partner is a bad thing, but most great relationships don’t come perfectly paired in the checklist department.

Your best match will most likely be someone you didn’t expect at all yet he or she will check more boxes than you knew existed. That’s why meeting new people and getting out of comfort zones is so important. Sticking to boxes, checklists and what you already know will continue to give you a similar outcome while venturing outside of your current experiences and perception gives you the possibility for so much more.

Learning to date again can help you get your groove back.

Whether you are fresh out of a relationship or newly divorced, getting back out there can be difficult but the benefits make your temporary discomforts all worth it in the long run. Duty dating can somewhat relieve the pressure of jumping back into another relationship. You can start dating to meet friends, build your confidence and learn how to date again so you can get your groove back after a heavy breakup.

It’s almost impossible to leave a relationship without a few emotional scars or baggage, but getting out there in a relaxed and consistent way helps to minimize what we are holding on to. It even gives us new perspectives on what we are looking for and what we deserve in a relationship. Most of us innately want the exact opposite of what we dated or married last because of emotional baggage, but Duty Dating can help us separate our hurt from what we actually want in life, helping us get closer to the relationship we really want.  

Don’t let regret hold you back anymore.

There are hundred of statistics out there that will tell you why relationships fail. Most will say it’s because of financial, religious, cultural or communication reasons, but the truth is that most couples don’t work out because they hold on to regret. They never traveled on their own. They never dated enough before settling down. They never found out who they were as an “I” before becoming a “We.” They didn’t even understand finances before they had to share them, and they definitely didn’t know who they wanted to be with FOREVER.

Relationships are a big deal, especially if you are looking to say “I do,” yet we don’t always do our homework before taking that leap. What I mean by this is that we should all know what it’s like to truly date, get hurt, rejected, think we’re in love, travel, figure out what we like, and more importantly don’t like in others. Life is meant to be lived and experienced to the fullest, and our hearts are no exception to that rule.

Here’s what all this comes down to: Duty Dating is absolutely an essential ingredient to discovering that special someone for you. If you start meeting people outside of your comfort zone, and you learn to date with no regrets, you’ll find yourself in a relationship like nothing you’ve ever experienced before!