It takes more than a swipe to find your person

It takes more than a swipe to find your person

Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 10-05-2019 Comments: 0

There’s no doubt about it, dating apps can be fun (and if we’re being honest with ourselves, maybe even a little addictive). There’s a reason people gravitate toward them – swiping through photos feels like a game, especially when you’re given the option to “keep playing” every time you get a match. When you keep playing, you can accept and reject in a second, accumulating matches to your heart’s content.

But what happens in real life when you try to meet your online matches? Do you message endlessly back and forth, hoping to continue the flirty banter in person never actually getting to the first date? Or do you meet, only to discover that your match looks nothing like the photos you saw online – and clearly doesn’t lead the healthy lifestyle you had imagined based on your exchange of messages.

It’s great to have choices and the ability to swipe while you’re waiting in line at the grocery store or on a lunch break. It’s nice to imagine the endless possibilities – that you can date anyone you want by swiping right. In reality, we feel less connected; and the less connected we feel, the less invested we become in getting to know someone new. We’re too busy moving on to the next date, and the next, without feeling any connection.

You don’t want to be just another profile on a dating app. You’re a real person, with wants and needs. You want to meet someone who really gets you. You want to feel heard and understood. You want to connect.

But with dating apps, snap judgments make it hard to build a connection. Active daters make assumptions about each person based on a few photos and a brief description. There’s also a degree of inappropriate messaging and ghosting because there is no personal accountability since anyone can disappear.

When you work with a matchmaker, it’s a completely different way of dating. Matches are screened for you, giving you a clearer picture of the person you’ll be meeting. You’re not relying on a few photos and a profile description. Instead, you’re relying on a matchmaker’s knowledge of your match’s relationship goals, preferences, and what he or she wants in a partner.

Most importantly, there is accountability. You aren’t just a face on the screen, but a real person. You feel heard and understood. Your desires and needs are addressed, and you can get valuable dating advice from your personal matchmaker, like conversation starters or best places to go on a first date.

Your matchmaker can also provide you valuable feedback about your pairing. We don’t know how we come across to others on a date, so there’s always room to grow. You can learn valuable lessons going forward that will help lead you to the right relationship.

All that swiping doesn’t necessarily lead to a better, happier love life. People don’t want more choices when it comes to dating – they want connection, they want to feel valued by someone special. They want to find a relationship, not another chance to swipe.

Kelly Seal is a freelance writer, dating expert, and author of the book “Date Expectations: A Guide to Changing Your Dating Life and Finding Real Love.” She got her start in the dating industry by hosting speed dating events around southern California and offering advice and encouragement to attendees. She now lives in L.A. and spends her free time hiking in the Santa Monica mountains and blogging at