How to keep a conversation flowing on the first date

How to keep a conversation flowing on the first date

Posted By: Niki Payne Date: 04-11-2016 Comments: 0

How often do you find yourself on a date that just will not seem to end? You might find yourself struggling to keep the conversation going or to find things that you have in common with the person you are on a date with, making you wonder if this whole “dating thing” is actually worth your while. As a matter of fact, it is. When you are unable to settle for anything less than what you are looking for, you can set the tone of your dates. These dating tips will help you keep good conversation flowing on your next dating venture:

1. Ask questions, even when you’re answering them.

Never answer a question without asking one in return. Conversation flows much more easily when you ask follow up questions like, “How about you?” or “What are your thoughts?” Doing this will lead to more meaningful topics of discussion. Ask about your date’s goals. Find out if you share the same views on relationships. Share your answers to the same questions.

2. Avoid talking about your exes.

No good will ever come from talking about your past relationships on the first date. Unfortunately, it is simply too soon to be asking questions that delve into the realm of “personal.” Try not to allude to your past relationships unless it comes up naturally. If it does come up, try not to paint yourself as bitter. Answer from a place of compassion for your ex and skip straight to conversation tip #8.

3. Be courteous when the sparks aren’t flying.

Not every date is going to be a good one. If you are already bored with each other from the beginning, it does not bode well for the future of the relationship. A good rule of thumb for making an early exit on a date is to respect your date’s time and stay as long as it takes to finish a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. It’s the very least you can do to honor someone’s search for romance while honoring yours. Rejection sucks. Don’t make it suck even more by ditching your date upon first sight.

4. Look for the interesting in the mundane.

Not finding much to talk about? Sometimes you can find something to talk about just by pointing out something that seems dull or boring. For instance, you can find out a lot about somebody just by pointing out that you really like your coffee and comparing it to another place. Your date may respond with their coffee preferences, which leads you to discuss the differences between major chains. Not every conversation needs to be the most exciting one you have ever had.

5. Keep your nerves in check.

It is incredibly easy to find yourself becoming too nervous and shutting down, especially if you are on a date with somebody who fits the whole package. The key to a successful date is to not find yourself in a position where you feel awkward or scared to speak, but also to avoid babbling. Your best bet? Keep asking questions.

6. Mind your alcoholic intake.

Drinking alcohol before or during a date is commonplace, as it eases nerves and is likely to make you feel more comfortable. Still, drinking too much can lead to loose lips, which may result in you revealing more about yourself than you intended. Know your limits ahead of time so that you can best avoid making yourself appear foolish.

7. Remain positive.

Do you ever begin to falter when you sense that the date is not going according to plan? Adopting the mindset that the future of your relationship does not necessarily matter. Right now, your goal is to have a good time and assess whether or not this person is a match for you. Stay positive, even if you feel as if you aren’t communicating as effectively as you would like to be.

8. Bring up honorable mentions from your date’s profile.

Out of material to work with? You can always refer to your date’s profile if you met online or a bio introduction if you met through a matchmaker. Bring up a question or two you formed about the photos or your date’s known interests. For example, if your date mentions involvement as a half-marathon runner, ask which races he or she has done. What was his or her best time? What does your date love about running? These are basic questions that will help you discover what really makes a person tick.

9. Bring up mutual friends.

If you met through a mutual friend or noticed that you had mutual friends on Facebook, you might want to ask how you know each other. You may actually have much more in common than you initially thought. You might even have a few stories to share about your common friend.

10. Stray away from overly personal questions.

Just as you don’t want to delve into past relationships at this stage, you also do not want to get into some of the more personal aspects of your date’s life, unless they are offered first. You may get some strange looks if you start to ask questions about your date’s sexual history or their relationship with their parents. Save questions like that for later on, when you have already established a relationship. Otherwise, he or she may find you rude and shut down or get defensive.

One of the keys to keeping conversation alive is also the key to building any relationship: respect. Listen attentively, and show that you are interested. Treat your date in the same manner you would treat a good friend.

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