How to Get the Fireworks Back in Your Relationship

How to Get the Fireworks Back in Your Relationship

Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 06-29-2019 Comments: 0

Is your love life feeling stale? Or do you want to just spice things up a bit? Don’t worry – we’re here to help get the fireworks back in your relationship this summer!

Here’s the truth – all relationships go through ups and downs, so you’re not alone. In the beginning, it’s exciting because everything is new – but soon all couples hit a plateau. It’s impossible to hold the momentum of the first few head-swooning weeks of romance forever. But instead of lamenting that you’ll never have that kind of magic again, here’s a reality check: relationships get better over time. The more you get to know each other, the more you can trust, open up, and share yourselves with each other – which is truly sexy.

Relationships are living, breathing things that need attention, honesty, love and yes, a little excitement. You have to cultivate them to keep the flame burning, to make sure they continue to provide what you both want.

So how do you nurture your love and rekindle those fireworks? We have some thoughts…

Say no to routines.

Have you gotten in the habit of making dinner together and watching Netflix? While routines are very comforting, they don’t bring a lot of excitement into our lives. When you’re feeling in a rut, the best way to immediately recharge is to try something new.

Summer is the perfect time to get out – whether it’s to a concert, an outdoor movie screening, a farmer’s market, or a festival, there are plenty of options that aren’t available when the weather is cold and rainy. This is the time to take advantage – check your local listings for something you both will enjoy. Say no to Netflix and chill.

Make an effort to speak your partner’s love language.

Have you heard of the five love languages? It’s true – we all have different ways of feeling loved, whether it’s through touch, spending quality time together, or buying gifts. Chances are you and your partner speak different love languages.

Instead of asking your partner to express her love in the way you show love, try speaking her love language instead. Is she looking for you to step up and clean the garage or cook a nice meal? Or does she want you to put down your phone, turn off the TV, and spend an evening focused on each other? Whatever it is that you’ve been avoiding, now is the time to step and do it. A small gesture can go a long way in truly connecting—and yes, deeper connection definitely leads to fireworks.

Spice up your sex life.

Spicing up your sex life is a no-brainer when you want to create some fireworks! But what does that mean? Here’s a hint: don’t overthink it, folks. It can be as simple as incorporating the element of surprise, like having sex in the middle of the afternoon (not your usual time), or engaging in some role play, or buying a new toy for both of you to play with. Instead of your typical foreplay, why not heighten your senses with a massage? Adding an element of surprise or novelty to your sex life creates excitement, and it matters because it shows you are willing and trusting enough of your partner to experiment together and see what turns you both on.

Show gratitude.

Relationships go through cycles – and of course everything is more exciting and fun when it’s new and you’re still discovering things about each other! Just because you’ve been together long enough to have a routine, or perhaps long enough to get annoyed by your partner, doesn’t mean you can’t bounce back. In fact, this is when you can deepen your relationship.

Think about what attracted you both in the first place, and what specifically about him makes you feel loved. He has qualities that attract you, but perhaps you’ve overlooked them or ignored them because you’re in a rut. Instead of giving into the rut, try lifting yourself out with a gratitude practice.

Kelly Seal is a freelance writer, dating expert, and author of the book “Date Expectations: A Guide to Changing Your Dating Life and Finding Real Love.” She got her start in the dating industry by hosting speed dating events around southern California and offering advice and encouragement to attendees. She now lives in L.A. and spends her free time hiking in the Santa Monica mountains and blogging at