Posted By: Team Intrigued Date: 04-16-2019 Comments: 0
It’s not uncommon for partners in a relationship to have new or different needs as time goes by. This is because a relationship is a constantly evolving process. Therefore, knowing how to properly ask for what you want is absolutely critical to a healthy union moving forward.
One of the biggest reasons why couples disagree is because they don’t know how to ask for what they want, or they ask in a manner that results in tension and discomfort. The good news is that there are several ways you can ask for what you want in a peaceful and amicable manner.
Remember that any request you make will impact both you and your partner, so empathy is key to a successful request.
Ditch the ultimatum mindset.
Many people use the wrong approach when asking for what they want – even before the actual conversation. This is because they come with an ultimatum mindset, implying “do this or else.” If your partner feels pressured into doing what you want, they may hide their dissatisfaction or unease with the situation. Even if they don’t agree with you, they may simply play along for fear of how you might react.
A better approach is to be prepared to have a conversation with your partner. Your significant other may or may not be able to handle your request the first time you bring it up, so it may take a few conversations to fully get your point across.
Set proper context for the conversation.
After having the right mindset, the next step is to create proper context for your conversation. Start by simply stating facts that are relevant to your request, while avoiding any emotions. Starting off with facts allows your partner to understand the context of your upcoming request.
Use a gentle and understanding tone.
As you begin describing what you want, maintaining a proper tone will be key. A gentle and calm tone works much better than being harsh or judgmental. In fact, many people tend to become defensive, withdrawn, or threatened by a harsh tone.
A better approach is to use a calm tone throughout the conversation, and to be mindful of your facial expressions. Your partner is more likely to pay attention if you remain calm and composed.
Listen to your partner’s response.
Even when asking for what you want, remember that it will be an on-going process. Your partner will also have something to say in response to your request. Be prepared to listen carefully to their response, and avoid interrupting. You should also avoid picking out one thing you disagree with and planning a counter response.
Instead, listen actively and clarify anything that may seem ambiguous. And if your partner isn’t in the mood to talk, don’t force it. Be prepared to bring up the conversation at a later date. Also, remember that seeing things from your partner’s perspective will make it easier for you to plan your request moving forward.
In a nutshell, remember that your partner truly wants to make you happy. However, how you approach asking for what you want will be key to a healthy relationship.