How To Be An Authentic Dater Comments (1)

How To Be An Authentic Dater

Posted By: Niki Payne Date: 02-28-2018 Comments: 1

Authenticity is overrated. If you have to try to be authentic, then you already aren’t being authentic. Authenticity means being able to express yourself in away that doesn’t compromise your values or beliefs. It also means being able to recognize where in your life you may be inauthentic and having the courage to own up to it. Being authentic is all about stay true to yourself, and this means ALL of yourselves based on the different roles you play in life.

The hardest part about authenticity is accepting the possible consequences of being authentic. For example, at what point do you draw the line between authenticity and professionalism? Do you sacrifice authenticity for the sake of professionalism or do you stay true to yourself at the risk of losing your job? In the context of dating, there’s the possibility of hurting someone’s feelings, upsetting someone, making someone feel uncomfortable or even losing someone’s love and respect. All this to say that being authentic doesn’t have to be so complicated if you follow five essential steps for being a truly authentic dater.

Get present in the moment. The easiest way to help you get present is to draw your attention to the rise and fall of your breath as you inhale and exhale. Alternatively, you can place your hand over your heart and draw your attention to the beating of your heart as you breathe. Science has shown that when you focus on your breathing, it helps slow down your central nervous system and keeps you out of fight/flight mode so you can act rationally versus irrationally.

Own your experience. Once you’re fully present in the moment, notice what physical sensations are occurring in your physical body. Become aware of what thoughts are coming up for you and notice which thoughts trigger a physical reaction or carry an emotional charge. Allow yourself to be feel whatever it is you feel both emotionally and physically as you facilitate the alignment of your heart and mind through this process of fully owning what’s happening within you.

Ask good questions. The quality of your life is dictated by the quality of the questions you ask yourself. However, not all questions are created equal. Some questions are limiting in nature while others are far more empowering. Get curious about your experience and ask questions that are designed to help you find solutions rather than perpetuate the problem. If you keep asking yourself, “Why me?” you’re going to keep getting the same results until you find the answer for yourself. However, if you ask yourself a different question, like “What can I learn from this?” then you will not only get a different set of answers, but  new possibilities will start to emerge as well.  As your questions get better, so too will your life.

Listen with your heart. Stop overthinking things and just listen. Be present and listen without fear or judgement. Listen with an open mind. The answers are there, but only if you ask yourself the right questions and choose to be tuned into what truths your heart is trying to tell you through whatever it is that you are experiencing. Take comfort in knowing there is an opportunity for growth and wisdom in this very moment in time. Every interaction in life is a moment of self-exploration and personal discovery, as I always like to say. Embrace it.

Share your truth with compassion. No matter how ugly, awkward, scary or painful your truth may be, the mere expression of it shall set you free. However, have compassion for the person or people with whom you are sharing your truth. Be mindful of how it may land, and acknowledge your positive intention as you’re speaking your truth out loud. Accept responsibility for how your truth may affect others.

Authenticity is overrated, but only to those who make it a daily practice. Authenticity may be overrated, but it’s definitely not undervalued. People have a tendency to respect you more when you know how to be authentic. So do yourself and everyone around you a favor and KEEP IT REAL.

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