Posted By: Niki Payne Date: 02-20-2019 Comments: 0
It’s been almost 17 years since “The Bachelor” first aired making it one of the longest running reality tv shows of all time. If there’s one thing I’ve learned since hopping on the “Bachelor” bandwagon, it’s that the dating competition has a major cult following of people in love with love. This got me really thinking about what we can learn from the producers of “The Bachelor” about facilitating romantic chemistry in our own love lives. Here’s what I came up with…
Creating a fairytale romance begins and ends with the stories you tell yourself.
If there ever was a modern day fairytale, finding love on a national reality tv show might actually be it in this day an age. What you may or may not realize about reality tv is that there are producers behind the scene with the core responsibility of telling a good story. For example, in the 23rd season of “The Bachelor” featuring Colton Underwood, the producers shaped a story revolving around his virginity and a dramatic moment when he apparently jumps over a fence, leaving fans at the edge of their seats.
Lesson One: Produce your own fairytale romance. What kind of love story do you want to tell? What are you willing to do to make it happen? You have the power to shape your own love story the same way “Bachelor” producers have been shaping love stories with a cult following since 2002.
The best way to get to know someone is through a variety of dating activities.
Intimacy and connection are best facilitated through a series of shared experiences that bring out multiple facets of one’s personality. There’s no better way to get to know someone than by witnessing how they respond to situations that may be a little outside their comfort zone, like a group date, for example, a competition for the Bachelor’s strongest woman title, or snowboarding for the first time. The producers of “The Bachelor” seem to accelerate romance through multiple changes in venue and even geographical location to create the illusion of multiple dates all rolled into one. Just think back to the first one-one-one date Colton had with Hannah B. They went horseback riding followed by some awkward jacuzzi time before dining on the deck of the Queen Mary.
Lesson Two: Plan more progressive dates the way you would a three course meal. Start with a warm up activity at one location before moving on to the main activity at another location. End with a cool down activity at a third location before calling it a day. You get to decide what kind of relationship you want to co-create with someone.
Romantic rituals are an essential element of relationship building.
Although frequent cocktails parties, perfectly orchestrated dates and melodramatic rose ceremonies may not be practical in real life, it is definitely worth noting how the romantic rituals portrayed on the show parlay into real life dating. For example, Chris Harrington’s role on “The Bachelor” resembles that of a modern day chaperone, which used to be common dating practice during the Victorian Era. Another example lies in the importance of receiving a rose. During the medieval times, such tokens of affection were a common practice that often led to deeper romantic involvement. Nowadays, connecting rituals are fundamentally a best practice for growing and nurturing any intimate relationship. Just ask Jon and Missy Butcher who swear by their weekly love ritual as the key to their marital bliss.
Lesson Three: Create your own love rituals. This allows you to regularly breathe new life into the relationship and keep it moving forward long before it ever goes stale or becomes stagnant. You can build deeper intimacy with your partner by making attraction and chemistry a habit that never goes out of style.
When it comes to creating romance in our own love lives, it all boils down to three simple things: storytelling, experiences, and rituals. Tell stories that highlight your values, share experiences that showcase your personality and ritualize moments that bring your closer together. What are some valuable love lessons you’ve learned from watching “The Bachelor”?
Niki Payne is a freelance writer and certified hypnotherapist passionate about personal development and healthy relationships. She got her start as a dating blogger and lifestyle journalist before falling into a career in digital marketing. Now she’s in graduate school pursuing a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy. She lives in Los Angeles and spends her free time singing karaoke, volunteering and indulging in the creative pursuits. She can be reached at www.nikipayne.com.