Mastering the First Three Dates

Mastering the First Three Dates

Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 03-24-2018 Comments: 0

It’s exciting to feel chemistry on a first date, at least enough to pique your curiosity and ask for another. Who doesn’t like the feeling of anticipation, and wondering what the future might hold?

Despite the excitement, it can also be pretty nerve-wracking. When you like someone, you want to make a good impression, but what exactly does that mean? And sometimes it’s difficult to read people, to understand what they are thinking and what they really want, making dating more confusing.

Getting to know someone takes time.

It’s important to build attraction and interest from the beginning to keep the momentum going. That’s why it’s good to approach dating as a fun exploration. You want to discover who he/she is, their ambitions, their desires, and see if you might connect for the long haul. Here are some tips for mastering the first three dates so you can move beyond getting to know someone and start to build a relationship:

Date 1: Be respectful and engaged.

It’s no secret that there’s a lot of bad behavior in dating. The best thing you can do to set yourself apart is to be mindful of your date and treat him/ her with the same respect you’d like to receive. This puts you ahead of others that might be vying for your date’s attention, for sure! Here’s what mutual respect means:

Show up on time.

I live in Los Angeles, and you have to add an extra thirty minutes to your commute when it’s rush hour traffic, which is frustrating but part of living here. It’s very easy to make excuses for being late, but it’s still annoying to your date. Plan ahead. If you do run late, text your date and let them know.

Put your phone away.

I know it’s difficult to part with your phone, but when you’re on a first date, put it in your pocket or purse so you can be focused on conversation without being distracted. If you’re in the middle of a personal story or intimate moment, the last thing you want to see is your date glancing at his phone. It’s a romance killer.

Ask questions, and steer clear of your ex.

If you tend to talk when you get nervous, take a step back and ask more questions. Give your date a chance to respond before you jump in. And even if you both bond over your horrible exes, avoid talking about them on a first date. You don’t want to dwell in what’s gone wrong in the past; it’s more exciting to focus on your future dreams, ambitions, desires, and other fun topics. Ask about each other’s passions, explore what you both like to do on weekends. Share your goals, or where you’d like to travel next. The more you cultivate positive energy, the better your date will respond. (And nobody wants to hear about your ex, if I’m being honest, even if they ask! Move on to the next subject.)

Follow up.

Please text your date quickly to thank them. Ask them out again! This is such a simple thing that gets ignored and overlooked all the time. When you show that you are both interested and reliable, it makes a stellar impression right away.

Date 2: Plan an activity together.

The first date is all about getting to know each other and seeing if there’s chemistry. So if both of you agree to go on a second date, things are definitely moving in the right direction!

The second date is a good time to plan a shared experience. What I mean by that is – do something fun together, preferably active, rather than just grabbing drinks or coffee as most people do on the first date. (There’s nothing that kills a budding romance more than recreating the first date, so don’t try.)

A great way to bond is through shared experience. So depending on what you like to do, here are some options:

  • Walk dogs together, or go for a hike. Hiking and walking dogs are a great way to get to know your date. It’s much easier to be doing something active as you make conversation, plus it’s a fun thing to do, especially if you both enjoy the outdoors or love your dogs.
  • Stroll through a farmer’s market or cool neighborhood. Again, enjoying an experience together helps you to bond. Pick a location that has some interesting places you’ve wanted to check out, like a downtown neighborhood with galleries, or a farmer’s market or flea market.
  • Pick an event: art exhibit, baseball, amusement park. Are you both baseball fans, or do you love spending an afternoon at the museum? Now’s the time to experience something you both enjoy together. Depending on your budget, you can even splurge and visit an amusement park or go to a concert, depending on your interests. The point is to enjoy what you love with someone new – it brings your date to a new level.

Date 3: Get your romance on.

By the third date, you have a pretty good idea of whether or not you want to keep dating (and hopefully you do)! That said, this is the perfect time to get romantic in order to create some intimacy and emotional closeness between you. It’s another step in the bonding process.

Romance is different to different people. Maybe you enjoy a nice candlelit dinner at an upscale restaurant, or maybe you go for picnic in the park, spreading a blanket and sharing a bottle of wine. Maybe seeing live music is what turns you on. Whatever the case, pick a romantic setting and enjoy each other’s company.

It’s important to also read body language and emotional cues correctly. In the age of #MeToo, you don’t want to make assumptions and create an uncomfortable situation. Before you make any move – ask your partner what he/she is feeling, and make sure you get their consent. This is crucial. Your relationship is new, which means you are still building trust. Don’t violate your trust and the chemistry you share. Be respectful of how your date feels, especially if you feel differently. Romance doesn’t always mean sex – it’s about creating intimacy.

This is the time to enjoy getting to know each other, while also being respectful of the other person. Successful dating is all about mutual respect, no matter how far along you are in a relationship. With these tips in mind, you can master the first three dates. You got this!