Posted By: Niki Payne Date: 01-13-2018 Comments: 1
With finding love at the top of your New Year’s resolutions list, you’ve likely ruled out a few dating strategies that just haven’t been working for you. From dating apps to speed dating (and “duty dating” to “circular dating“), you’ve grown tired of the proverbial dating game because it seems like everyone you date is playing by an entirely different set of rules than you. Perhaps it’s time to rethink your dating strategy… starting with the basics.
If what you want hasn’t been showing up for you, there’s a strong possibility that you have yet to clearly define what it is that you truly want, which goes far beyond physical characteristics. Refining your dating strategy begins with an honest self-inquiry to determine if your desire for love is coming from a place of love or fear.
“There are people who think they are ready for a relationship, yet find themselves in a loop of heartbreaks because they enter the relationship from a place of lack,” said Jessica Morales, a certified hypnotherapist who specializes in relationship dynamics. For a dating strategy that works, Morales recommends writing down the qualities you would like to attract in an ideal partner. Get crystal clear with descriptive details about how that person shows up for you in life and love.
“When you identify what is most important to you in a partner, by physically writing it down and seeing it listed before you, you’re less likely to deter from it. You’ll also be more open to seeing these qualities in others because you have mentally prepped your mind for exactly what you would like to attract,” shares the founder of Be YOU Bloom.
Once you have clarity on not just the type of person you want a relationship with, but also what kind of relationship you want, it’s time to bring your A-game. This involves another set of inquiries for the purpose of taking personal inventory of what you have to offer in a relationship.
“Ask your family or friends to share three things about you when you express your best self. What are the qualities that make you uniquely you? Why do others treasure you in their lives? Have them explain how your actions embody these qualities,” suggested Morales. Then ask yourself, “How can I offer my best self? What vital relationship skills still need to be cultivated within me?” advised the relationship expert.
Bringing your A-game means more than the simple platitude of “being yourself.” It means being your “best, most Authentic self” and acknowledging your relationship readiness. If your desire for a relationship is coming from a place of wholeness, you’re ready to create a healthy partnership with someone. However, if your desire is coming from a place of void, ask yourself where in your life are you not being true to yourself or the people around you and take action to re-authenticate yourself, so to speak.
So you know what you want now, and you’ve turned your authenticity dial up—now what? Accept the reality that dating has become a game of sorts, and play along. This doesn’t mean playing jedi mind tricks (and assuming people can read your mind) or withholding who you really are to increase your “likeability” factor, by any means. What I mean by “playing the game” is accepting people for who they are now, and not for who you hope they will be if only you do this or do that.
Think of it this way: If dating is a game, and your heart is the prize, be in it to win it. No matter the outcome, you still come out a winner when your heart is on the line because it’s the one thing that you’ll always be left with at the end of the day. Increase the love vibrations of your heart, and you’ll attract an ideal mate who is tuned in at a similar frequency.
“Can you imagine if you entered a game thinking: I am going to lose, so why even bother putting forth my best effort? You wouldn’t approach winning a game like that. You would immediately get into the mind-space that activates your best self and devise solutions to meet the challenge before you,” Morales added. She pointed out that this type of mindset will help you create new possibilities for your love life.
The only reason so many singles are frustrated with today’s modern dating game is because everyone is playing by their own set of rules. My invitation to you is to ditch the strategies that haven’t been working for you and invest time into strengthening the magnetic powers of your heart in order to attract a partner who is on your same level.