Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 11-04-2016 Comments: 0
Do you fantasize about being in a relationship, perhaps in a convertible with your love as you drive up the coast, the wind blowing through your hair?
Being in a relationship does have its perks – the sex, the fun times, the companionship, the support from someone who loves you. It can be tempting, and for some even addictive to jump into a new relationship because they crave the good parts. But relationships are not just about romantic getaways or being in love. They also involve hard work, effort and compromise.
If you start a new relationship under false pretenses or for the wrong reasons, there’s not much chance it will survive the long haul with such a shaky foundation. Before you throw caution to the wind and jump into a relationship, put on the brakes for a moment. You may have some valid reasons to pursue a new romance, but there are also some reasons that may have your reconsidering your intentions.
Maybe you’ve had one too many nights in front of the TV with a bottle of wine, hoping for Prince Charming to knock on the door and sweep you off your feet. Or maybe you’re sick of going out to clubs and the endless cycle of online dates, and you just want some companionship. If you decide to pursue a relationship because you’re lonely and your current date is “good enough,” you’re headed straight for disaster. At some point, your resentment will build because you decided to settle, and chances are you will take it out on your partner. Instead of putting yourself and your boyfriend through this type of pain, be honest with yourself. Are you really interested in him, or in the idea of a relationship?
You want to get over your ex.
Many of us have jumped into relationships too quickly in order to “get over” a previous love. It may seem like an easy way to avoid pain or even provide a nice distraction, but sooner or later, you’ll have to face your grief. Instead of pursuing a relationship as a rebound, try being single for a time, working through your emotions, and keeping a distance from your ex to work through your pain. Too often, we jump into relationships to avoid pain and end up repeating the same destructive patterns with each new partner. Being alone to work through your pain might seem like the more difficult path, but will ultimately lead to the right relationship for you.
The passion and sex are intense.
There’s no doubt that passion and great sex are compelling reasons to pursue a relationship. Not many people can inspire that weak-in-the-knees, exciting, passionate feeling in us, so we want to hold on to it. But here’s the truth: passion is fleeting. It might not seem like it in the throes of great sex or when a relationship is new, but when you no longer get such a rush from being intimate, there should be a deeper connection to bring you together. Your values and relationship priorities should to be compatible to make it in the long-run. What kind of relationship do you want outside of great sex? This is what counts. Ask yourself: do you respect each other? Is he kind? Will he be there for me when I need him? These are things that truly matter in a relationship.
You want security.
Looking for a partner who brings you security is a trap. There’s no such thing as security when it comes to relationships, or life in general – you never know what could happen, so you shouldn’t plan your love life around money or status or anything else that is not a real connection. If you pursue a relationship for comfort, money, or to be taken care of, you become at the mercy of someone else to provide for you. This not only inhibits your own independence and free will, but it also breeds resentment in your partner (and you) over time. Usually, the root of this thinking is based on a feeling of low self-esteem. Instead of looking for a relationship to bring security, it’s good to be firmly confident in your own ability to provide for yourself. In addition to material comfort, think about the non-tangibles. Do you feed yourself with love and compassion? What do you want to bring to the relationship and to your partner? When you know your worth and your abilities, then you will attract a relationship that better serves both of you.
You aren’t getting any younger.
It’s hard to be in social situations with family and friends asking about your single status, especially as you get older and feel more pressure to be in a relationship. While it’s true we have our biological clocks to consider, there are better reasons to pursue a relationship than timing. Kids only complicate things, so before you decide that you need to be with a partner of convenience to procreate, consider your alternatives. You can pursue having children on your own, or you could wait and adopt when you are in the right relationship. Regardless of your intentions or desires, give space and time for the right relationship to appear. Being in a relationship based in fear is never a good idea. Long-term happiness is based in love. The timing of relationships is not something we can control, so don’t try. Instead, embrace meeting new people and seeing where it leads. Trust in meeting the right person at the right time.
Relationships are wonderful, as long as you’re with the right person. Don’t let fear be a reason to pursue a new relationship. It’s better to cultivate love on your own, so you are ready for the right person when he comes along.
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