Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 04-21-2016 Comments: 1
If you’re single and dating, chances are you’re familiar with the term “ghosted.” Ghosting happens when the person you have been seeing suddenly drops all communication with you, vanishing without an explanation. You’re left wondering what happened, or worse – what you might have done to cause him or her to leave in such an emotionally distressing and confusing way.
While we would all prefer to have a direct conversation when it comes to breaking up, some people are more comfortable with a non-confrontational approach like ghosting. But actually, ghosting is avoidance. The problem with ghosting is that there is no sense of closure for either party. The person being ghosted feels confused, angry, and heartbroken, more so than if their dates had just told them they were no longer interested. As for the person doing the ghosting, there’s a lingering feeling of anxiety and guilt, according to The Huffington Post.
Ghosting refers to the practice of dumping someone by way of disappearing.
There’s a lot of misperception about what ghosting truly is. Many daters are in casual relationships. They go out a few times and don’t consider the relationship intimate enough to warrant a break-up conversation. Hence, ghosting might seem like a perfectly acceptable way to politely end things with someone who shares a non-committal relationship with you. But what about relationships that are more serious? What happens when the guy or girl you’ve been dating a few months disappears without even a text? You might wonder how someone could be so heartless, and act with such cruel abandon. In reality, the people who ghost are not acting out of malevolence, but out of self-preservation.
Many are so afraid of confrontation in any form that they would rather disappear than have a tough conversation. A recent Elle.com survey found: “There are many psychological reasons why someone ghosts, but at its core, ghosting is avoidance and often stems from fear of conflict. Which means, at its heart, that ghosting is about wanting to avoid confrontation, avoid difficult conversations, avoid hurting someone’s feelings.”
Ghosting can create false perceptions based on the action itself.
While ghosting has existed for a long time, it is much more common now with the popularity of online dating. Because you are essentially dating strangers outside of your social networks, there is little to no accountability for bad behavior, as opposed to when your friend or family members set you up with your date.
Dealing with the aftermath of ghosting is not fun. It’s a painful experience that has you questioning your own attractiveness, value, or ability to form lasting relationships. But there’s no reason to assume responsibility for someone else’s bad behavior. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you didn’t say or do something to cause the breakup. It’s fine if two people aren’t compatible, or if one just isn’t feeling the chemistry anymore. The problem comes when the person who wants to break things off just can’t bring him or herself to have that difficult conversation.
Decide not to let a recent ghosting get the best of you.
It’s important to gain some perspective by asking yourself: “Would I want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who avoids confrontation, is insecure, or uncomfortable sharing their feelings?”
These aren’t qualities that make for a good partner. In fact, ghosting behavior is very telling, and it saves you from a lot of future heartache.
Plus, when you have been hurt by someone who ghosted you, you might think twice before disappearing on one of your dates – even if you consider the relationship casual. No matter the circumstances, each person in a relationship deserves an explanation or a conversation when the other person’s feelings have changed.
Don’t let ghosting change your perspective about dating. There are plenty of good single people out there looking for a relationship. And plenty more who are willing to open up, have those difficult conversations and be true to themselves and to you. Consider connecting with a local matchmaker in Los Angeles and never get ghosted again.