Why Your New Year’s Resolutions for Love Won’t Work Without A New Strategy First

Why Your New Year’s Resolutions for Love Won’t Work Without A New Strategy First

Posted By: Kelly Seal Date: 01-06-2018 Comments: 0

Entering a new year generally means a clean slate and a fresh start to meeting your goals. Maybe you want to get in shape or eat healthier, pursue creative projects, or step out of your comfort zone so you can meet someone special.  

I love the idea of starting fresh. In the past, I’ve made plenty of resolutions, but I bet you can imagine how those worked out. One year, I planned out my days to get up by five each morning so I could fit in time to meditate, do yoga, go for a run, walk my dog, make juice, and write – all before going to work. Needless to say, this ambitious schedule didn’t last more than a couple of weeks.

This is a problem with resolutions. You have dreams you want to achieve, and want to be as happy and productive as possible. But real life is messy. It makes demands on your time, it strains your patience, and far too often, something has to give. Usually it’s the time you set aside for implementing New Year’s resolutions.

It’s time to rethink how you approach dating.

Instead of feeling guilty because you can’t do it all, take a step back from your lofty goal-setting agenda. Maybe there’s a better way to achieve a healthier, happier lifestyle without having to make another New Year’s resolution.

Consider setting small, achievable goals in order to work towards a larger goal. If you want to lose weight, instead of saying you’ll go to the gym or resolve to “eat better,” set the goal of losing five pounds. Then you can take measured steps to achieve that goal. When you’re successful, set a new small target. You create new habits based on positive reinforcement.

When it comes to finding love, this works well. If your goal is to be in a long-term, committed relationship by the end of the year, this is not only a big goal, but a “succeed or fail” type of resolution that isn’t helpful. If you find a relationship, wonderful! But if you don’t, then you feel guilty for “failing,” which is counter-productive to your search for love.

Start with baby steps that are within your control.

You already know want you want, but do you know what it will take to get the relationship you want? Are you doing it? The easiest first step to getting back into the dating game (after a six month hiatus for whatever reason) is to get honest with yourself what you want and who you would have to become in order to manifest your love dreams.

Assess your current strategy.

How are you meeting people? Do you mostly use dating apps, or only one dating app? Do you avoid online dating altogether? Being open to new ways of meeting people is a good place to start. Instead of making a resolution that you’ll join more dating apps or swipe right more often, try to think beyond what you’re already doing. What new methods could you try? What about asking your friends to set you up, or hiring a matchmaker? There are many ways to pursue a goal of meeting new people.

Slow it down.

While it’s great to want a long-term relationship, the only way to get there is by getting to know your dates and seeing if there’s potential. This can take more time than you want, so have patience! Think about what is in your control: your ability to make time for dating. So, make more time for dates. Even if the first date isn’t instant chemistry, agree to a second date. Get to know your dates before judging them. These are small changes you can make that will drastically improve your dating life, and how much enjoyment you get from the process.

Give yourself props!

Positive reinforcement is more motivating than punishment – psychological studies point to this. So, it’s time to treat yourself better and recognize your own progress and the steps you take every day to improve your life. If you walked 20 minutes today, give yourself a hand – it’s better than not walking at all! And if you struck up a conversation with a stranger, pat yourself on the back because you’re getting out of your comfort zone. Take the time to recognize your efforts.

The New Year is a great time to reset and think about where you’re headed (and how to get there). But don’t set yourself up for disappointment and guilt with resolutions. Instead, take small actions to make change in your life, and take the time to acknowledge your progress. This will make for a much happier and healthier 2018.

Happy New Year!