An Unconventional Approach to Finding Love

An Unconventional Approach to Finding Love

Posted By: Niki Payne Date: 01-05-2019 Comments: 0

The search for love is not without challenge. If you’re like most people, there has to be physical attraction present for you to even consider dating someone. That’s usually want gets you to swipe right on your dating app of choice. Once you’ve met in person, there has to be chemistry between the two of you to entertain the possibility of a relationship. Once attraction and chemistry have been established, then you can assess compatibility to further discern whether or not you want to enter into a relationship with someone.

The trifecta of dating

The challenge with dating is achieving the trifecta effect, or finding someone with whom you have attraction, chemistry AND compatibility. Most singles are really good at using attraction and chemistry to assess relationship potential. It’s the compatibility piece that generally leaves frustrated singles feeling jaded and disappointed. Physical compatibility is only one piece of the relationship equation. It’s also important to also consider your emotional compatibility, intellectual compatibility, spiritual compatibility and financial compatibility.

The ultimate compatibility test

When it comes to choosing the right partner, remember to ask good questions because the answers someone gives you can be very revealing of their inherent beliefs and values. The answers you get will, in essence, provide you with a red, yellow or green light for pursuing a relationship with this person. Here are five questions you may want to ask on your next date before investing your heart in someone.

1) How would you describe your sex drive? If your libidos aren’t a match, neither are the two of you. Incompatibility in this area may lead to infidelity down the road if the frequency is not enough for you or your partner.

2) When was the last time you cried? This question is good for learning how comfortable someone is  with emotional intimacy. If there’s any indication that your emotional needs may not be met, it’s probably not a match.

3) What’s the most interesting thing you’ve read, watched or listened to recently? If you plan on spending any time outside the bedroom with someone, you likely prefer someone with whom you can have meaningful conversations. Make sure you can keep up with each other intellectually.

4) How important is spirituality to you? Religious differences do not have to be a deal breaker, especially considering how common interfaith marriages have become in recent years. But if you want to raise a family in a certain faith, then you probably don’t want to date someone who may have a problem with that.

5) How do you like to spend your money? According to Dave Ramsey, money is the number one issues couples fight about. How a person spends their money will tell you a lot about their values. In any case, one of you is bound to be more of a spender or saver in the relationship.

The zodiac dating challenge

Now that you’ve gotten clarity on the role compatibility plays in the success of viable relationship, it’s time to start dating mindfully.  To help you meet the widest array of prospects, I propose to you a strategic approach to finding a mate that will allow to meet a truly diverse set of relationship candidates based on their astrological sign. Inspired by a Bollywood film I saw years ago in which man is set up with 12 different woman (played by the same actress), each of which represents one of the 12 astrological signs, the zodiac challenge is a way to make dating fun again while discovering the role you play in the formation of new relationships.

Make dating fun again

Your dating challenge for 2019, should you choose to accept it, is to date one person from every astrological sign by the end of the year. This includes: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces. Some dating apps include this information on a person’s profile. For others, you can simply ask about a person’s birthday and figure it out yourself or just ask them directly. I would also encourage you to start a dating diary to document your initial learnings about dating a particular sign in comparison to your actual experiences and conclude that person’s most redeeming quality that you’d like to find in your next relationship. Think of it as a trusted feedback loop for your love life. By the end of the year, if you haven’t found love yet, you’ll at least have created a soulmate list of sorts outlining 12 qualities you’d like to manifest in your ideal relationship.

Niki Payne is a freelance writer and certified hypnotherapist passionate about personal development and healthy relationships.  Contact Niki at